I took the Goose to Ren Faire, or as she calls it “Renis Fair.” After last year’s screaming debacle*, I had major anxiety about bringing her but I have to say that she was stellar. She knew the item purchase limit (two and through) and was level headed and fun even in the most packed crowds.

Before we left, I asked her if she needed to use the bathroom. She told me “no” and happily skipped up the stairs to see if she could pull Excalibur out of the boulder. Before we walked out of the exit, I asked again. “Nope.” But she damn well had to go ten minutes into the ride when we were in bumper-to-bumper traffic with nothing but cars and trees around us. There were no exits, she was jiggling in her seat, and we had a solid 45 minutes left in the car even without traffic. I couldn’t ask her to hold it and I certainly wasn’t having her pee in my car. A girl’s got standards.

My answer?

I Howard Hughes-ed the situation and made the kid pee in a ziploc bag while I parked on the shoulder. Then we had to drive home with that pee bag in the car. Next to my awesome horns. The whole way home.

I am the best parent alive. I’m also stocking the car with gallon sized ziploc bags.

————-

*We do not talk of last year’s debacle, just as I will not recount my last trip to Feathers. What I will say is that the Goose was AWFUL and it was, by far, her worst tantrum. It was probably the worst tantrum in the history of tantrums ever. There was thrashing and kicking and screaming, “I’ll never top crying” while an entire gaggle of Braveheart-colored warriors stared open-mouthed at the spittle flying from her mouth. She was either possessed or really hated the Faire. Fun for all.

I grew these horns waiting in traffic to get to Ren Faire.

  1. Camera: Samsung SCH-I535
  2. Aperture: f/2.8
  3. Exposure: 1/126th
  4. Focal Length: 2mm

The Goose started kindergarten today.

Is it too early to ask her to get a job and start paying rent?

They have no idea. College and grad school books are expensive. I think I used my future Goose as collateral for three courses my first semester at NYU.

Where did the Goose get this pose from? It’s in every summer picture we have taken.

Where did the Goose get this pose from? It’s in every summer picture we have taken.

"Ninja turtles live in the sewers, not the ground. And they’re not real."
— Goose, making me both totally happy and totally sad in one statement.
Chaka and the Goose explored the Crystal Cave today in PA! Chaka and the Goose explored the Crystal Cave today in PA! Chaka and the Goose explored the Crystal Cave today in PA!

Chaka and the Goose explored the Crystal Cave today in PA!

Major pieces backstitched and good to go.

We didn’t have the cash to jet to an island or take the Goose to Disney World, so we used our week off to hang out as a family, Jersey-style. We* went to the beach, won almost the entire collection of stuffed Adventure Time dolls (damn you, Jake, for being too heavy for the darn crane game), watched movies, and barbequed.

I’m not saying I don’t love the Caribbean, but this was one of the best vacation weeks ever.

I love the people I work with, but egads I’m sad to be back. It’s so beautiful outside….

*Winning the Adventure Time stuff? All me. I rule at crane games.

The Goose waving to John :)
Ferris Wheel

She’s coming along.

It’s grainy, but the two of us clean up pretty darn good.

The Goose’s first cross stitch.

My Goosey is five today. Funny, smart, sweet, and mine. I may be lame and post throwback pictures of her all day.

And let’s all give me and John some applause for housing, feeding, and generally nurturing said kid. We rock!

The Goose’s pony is finished. The Goose’s pony is finished.

The Goose’s pony is finished.